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Here are all the conventions I'll be attending as an artist in 2017 so far. If you are planning to attend any of these areas, you can come meet me in person and take a look at some of my art.

Anime Milwaukee Milwaukee Wisconsin Feb 17-19

Anime Crossroads Indianapolis Indiana Feb 24-26

Aselia Con Fort Worth Texas March 17-19

Annicon Anniston Alabama, Mar 25

Momocon Atlanta Georgia May 25-28

Colossalcon Sandusky Ohio June 1-4

Mechacon New Orleans Louisiana July 28-30

Mechacon New Orleans Louisiana July 28-30

Anime Expo Los Angeles California July 1-4

Otakon Washington DC Aug 11-13
Hi guys, if you remember me and you're still keeping up with me, then thanks a bunch for your patience.  I'm trying to get back on my feet now, and this post is going to be mostly about what happened to me these last few years and where I'm at now.  This is just a personal story and I might even delete it later.

In 2012 I moved to Tucson, AZ and in early 2013 I did a Kickstarter for Lavender Legend.  This is the first time one of my webcomics had really gone commercial.  I never had expected much money out of webcomics, I originally was doing it as a hobby.  I wanted to be a graphic designer, and work a regular full time job where I go to work and come home and make a regular paycheck like a normal person.  Jobs in that industry were hard to get, there were a lot of displaced veterans from the dying newspaper and magazine industries applying for the same jobs who had more experience.  So I ended up looking to monetize my art in a different way in order to try and get away from the cash registers and phone service lines I had been working at when my chosen career field didn't pan out.

Something about the added stress of being away from my family, running a business, working, being financially unstable, being unable to go to a doctor or dentist, sometimes not having food--all that kind of fried my brain, and for a long time I didn't know why.  I couldn't remember things.  Sometimes I'd wash my hair over and over again because I couldn't remember if I'd done it.  I walked into rooms not knowing why I'd entered.  I'd forget my last name or my address if someone asked me on the spot.  I remembered things happening differently from how they actually did, too.  I thought I'd finished commissions for clients only to find out (sometimes years after the fact, because the customer didn't complain) that I had never done it.  The art that was taking me a handful of hours to complete before was stretching on for days because I couldn't focus, and the work wasn't as good because I couldn't channel my creativity as well.  And I got super emotional about everything.  Any negative comment about my work, or upset message from customer I'd disappointed would send me into a downward spiral of hating myself even though I'm not usually the type that puts a lot of weight into what other people think.  I also had physical symptoms like panic attacks, soreness, being tired all the time, sleeplessness, and nausea.

So it seems obvious looking back on it now that I have some combination of depression and anxiety, but coming up with a parent that didn't really believe in that stuff, it took me a while to realize it and start understanding it.  I looked back at some of my old personal journals from 15 years ago talking about how I just didn't feel right.  There wasn't much I could do about it once I realized, either.  This was before obamacare started up, and I couldn't afford to get help for these problems.  It wasn't until 2016 I qualified for affordable healthcare and could start getting help.  So I focused on staying alive, and everything else became a secondary concern.

With my webcomics, the more I didn't do them, the more negativity I got out of them.  I had people emailing me telling me that if I wasn't going to update, I should kill myself.  I know that's the internet troll's favorite thing to tell people and I should just ignore it, but if I was to read something like that when I was already having an episode of suicidal thoughts, then it could really do serious damage to me.  So after that, I had to just shut down all the comments and stop reading my emails if they were in regards to Lavender Legend especially.  It definitely didn't make me want to return to Lavender Legend, if that was the intention behind it.

I did survive, but it has put me back several years both financially and in my work.  Finally I conceded and moved back in with my parents a few months ago.  This is pretty typical for a lot of people of my generation experiencing the same financial issues, but I'm ashamed of it.  I think most of us are.  I want to be out there working and being a productive member of society, but I had to admit I can't do it without causing further harm to myself, and let them help me so that I can get better.  And I'm just lucky that I have a parent with the means to help me even if they are meager, most people don't.  That's where I'm at right now, really just beginning the process of treating my depression. 

Going back to the Kickstarter I mentioned, here it is at 2017 and I still have a sparse few packages (4 I think) that haven't been mailed.  I did my last go at it in September, but quickly ran out of money again, and I'm hoping I'll make enough sales at the next convention I do to finally finish it out.  I'm also sure I've failed to fulfill obligations for commissions or Patreon simply because I've either forgotten, or my brain got fuzzy and I recorded something wrong. 

That's why I'm not sure when it will be or what exactly the terms will be yet, but I am going to set up some system where anyone I've accidentally flaked out on in the past can contact me, and I'll either refund their amount or fulfill their commission, or give them something else at the same value. 

I've otherwise closed commissions indefinitely.  I do need the money, but I know that I can't trust myself to complete the work without screw-ups until my head is less foggy. 

I'm returning to my webcomics too, but only on a casual  basis.  I'm still not to a point where I can handle the stress of weekly updates, but I'm trying to get back there.     

On Patreon, I'll be reformatting the reward tiers and milestone goals to reflect achievable goals, instead of overworking myself and disappointing my patrons.

Part of my therapy right now is to avoid isolating myself and try to understand that people care about me even though I've goofed up a lot of my life.  So if you're just a friend or a follower I haven't spoken to in years and you didn't know why I fell out of contact, you can always send me a note and I'll be happy to resume communications at this point.  I unfollowed a lot of my friends from twitter or tumblr because their posts were causing me anxiety, not because I don't like them anymore.  I just honestly lacked the ability to respond to things without upsetting either myself or the people around me for a long time, so I just stopped.

I'm going to try to keep the rest of my posts from now on focused on art, webcomics, conventions, etc. just wanted to put this out there and let people know what's going on with me.